Response to Karl

There we were, all stuck on the subway. It was just another day heading to work, preparing for the daily grind of meetings and coffee and long hours. I happened to be squished between several people, clutching my briefcase tightly. I felt slightly claustrophobic, but shook it off. There was no need to panic, right? My therapist told me I needed to take deep even breaths whenever I felt the beginnings of a panic attack. Standing there, below ground and in a metal tube, I had to breathe deeply when my vision started to tunnel at the thought of being stuck there. I was simply waiting for my stop so I could ascend the stairs and see the familiar sight of the two World Trade Centers. Something went wrong. We were only about halfway there when the train came to a screeching halt. The air became thick and stuffy and it was difficult to breathe. I started to panic, wondering what was happening. I couldn't help thinking of all the things that could have gone wrong. Did the breaks fail? Had it been some minor technical problem? Wait, what was that loud noise? Was that people screaming? That just sounded like an explosion! Oh God, what is going on? I noticed the elderly lady across from me hang up her cell phone and completely dissolve into gut-wrenching sobs that shook her frail frame. People began murmuring to their neighbors, all of them wondering what had happened. It spread like a wildfire, someone said the Towers had been hit. Who on earth would attack us? Why were we being attacked? There were so many questions and no one had the answers. We could only helplessly stand there, as imaginations ran rampant. Confusion was everywhere.

Confusion Everywhere

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
8:30 AM - Entering Subway Train 5 in New York City

It's been a long while since I've been through this route. Usually I'd drive, but today seems like an exceptional sunny morning to see all the unfamiliar faces of an everyday routine. I like to take a moment to absorb the splendor of this glorious city, this Center of the World. African-American, Asian, Caucasian, Indian, and the mixed ethnicities; there's so much variation. But why did I take route today? My psychiatrist recommended I deviate from my normal routine once in a while. It would make life more interesting. I don't know. Besides, I don't have to check in for work until nine o' clock.

8:40 AM - Inside Subway Train 5 in New York City

I've been here for about ten minutes now and it's crowded. The air is almost unbreathable. The harsh conditions of such a small compact mode of transportation. What's wrong with the air vent? ...It's broken. Oh, the events of today. "Focus on the positive side." I think that's what my psychiatrist would say. Come on, self. Suck it up. Enjoy the moment and the city bustle.

8:43 AM - Inside Subway Train 5 in New York City

Stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive...and focused. Might miss my stop.

Positive: There's an attractive lady glancing at me. Oh, she's married.

8:45 AM - Inside Subway Train 5 in New York City

Great. One more stop. Hey, that's positive, right?

One more step closer to work. Just gotta' get up to Church Street in view of the Twin Towers.

8:46 AM - Inside Subway Train 5 in New York City

Loud explosion. What was that? Emergency! A bomb? That was obviously not the subway brakes. Engineering malfunction? Stay positive. Stay positive.

Oh hell! Something is wrong! What was that deafening and extremely startling noise? Why is this lady crying? What's wrong? What do we do? There is too much noise to hear any instruction. When will the doors open?

Confusion is everywhere.

SEPTEMBER 11, 2011

8:46 AM - Home in Newark, New Jersey

As I recall this moment in time ten years ago, I remember smelling the fear accumulate in Train 5. We did not know why or what we were afraid of. At that moment, we were simply following the natural response of loud noises. I saw this older lady (about her 50s) sobbing in her seat. No one really came to help her or offer her something to wipe the steaming tears away. It was every man of his own. They all just worried and rumored among themselves. We just stood there.

Confusion was everywhere.

- Karl Abordo