Oskar

This is a picture that I drew of Oskar.

I'm Blue

“No matter how much I feel, I’m not going to let it out. If I have to cry, I’m gonna cry on the inside. If I have to bleed, I’ll bruise. If my heart starts going crazy, I’m not gonna tell everyone in the world about it. It doesn’t help anything. It just makes everyone’s life worse….” “But if you’re burying your feelings deep inside you, you won’t really be you, will you?” [203]

I chose this painting to illustrate the passage. It’s one of my paintings entitled I’m Blue. I felt that this painting would best express what the quotation is saying. I used this painting the same way that Oskar used the things in his scrapbook to express his feelings. I could really relate to the quotation above from the book as soon as I read it. It stuck in my mind. When I read it I thought about the painting and how I felt at the time that I was painting it. The quotation is a perfect expression of my experience. Oskar was hurting the same way I was. There have been many times in my life that I have kept my feelings hidden deep inside of me. I just couldn’t seem to let them out. I didn’t want to share them to anyone. Just like in the quotation my heart was going crazy. It was out of control. I felt as though I couldn’t calm or console my heart no matter how hard I tried at the time. There have been times that I felt as though I were crying on the inside but I wanted to do my best to hide it from the rest of the world. It just didn’t seem fair to rain on someone else’s parade. When I was hurting, I didn’t want others to hurt so I kept my feelings hidden sometimes from those I loved. As I grew older I realized that it was not good to keep things hidden deep inside of you. I have come to realize that my feelings helped mold me into the person that I am. We all will have times like these in our lives. They will not last forever. They make us stronger and help us to grow. These are experiences in our lives that we can look back on and know that we are better because we made it through them. Sometimes it’s hard to think of the sunshine when rain is falling into your life, but we all know that it not only takes sunshine but also rain to make things grow.

She asked, “Aren’t my life and my feelings the same thing?” (page 130)

I picked this picture because it reminded me of Oskar’s scrapbook called “Things That Have Happened to Me.” In my own way, it tells my experiences, my feelings, and my life. This is a truly powerful quote. It is true. Feelings bring meaning to a person’s life. Without having feelings, there would be no reason to live. There would be no love, no fear, no sadness, and no happiness. Feelings have a weird way of ruling your life. They impact your life greatly. Although sometime your feelings can be painful, like that of Oskar’s, it can cause you to grow, and in way understand someone else’s pain.

In Oskar’s scrapbook he placed his feelings on paper visually. I think Oskar’s scrapbook is a big part of the novel. His feelings are expressed through pictures he takes with his grandfather’s camera, clips from the magazines, prints off the internet and the scratch pad at the art supply store. They all deepen the experience of seeing the world through Oskar’s eyes. Oskar’s pictures give the meaning of the story. Oskar’s perspective is limited because he is a kid. His grief and fear are shown through these pictures. They are dark and have an eerie feel to them. His facts and statistics that he rambled on about, were just a way to put distance between the feelings. The 9/11 experience he encountered gave him a horrible feeling; however his pictures can’t hide his feelings like his words can.